Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Realisation - it hits you like a truck.

I just realised something recently.

What if I do get on the college course?

For now, it seems like a pretty big 'if' judging on how slow its going. But whilst I still haven't had an offer yet, I haven't been declined either. What I realised, is that this whole thing is resting on the decision. And I have no idea what comes next. If I get on the course, what do I do? Where do I start? I haven't thought this through at all. I figured, I'd live at home and get to college everyday when I needed to. I didn't think this through, b/c I can't drive, trying to get a lift every morning to get to college before 9am from my Dad would be stupid, b/c the course is two years and if I got a lift to college, he'd still have to get back home which means basically, double the journey (I've checked the timetable for the current first year foundation degree, and its every fucking weekday starting at 9am) I can't take the bus b/c the schedule is royally fucked and unless I fancy getting up at the crack of dawn, there's no way I'd fathom the buses b/c that involves switching buses at central station or somewhere else. And, urgh, I have no idea.

I'm gonna have to learn to drive.

Fuck.

I've been procrastinating on that b/c I find it hard enough to listen to someone when I'm in the passenger seat - how in the hell would I manage to drive and pay attention to the instructor? I know you can get instructors who teach deaf people. I hate considering myself as deaf but what else am I? There's no real category for 'CF fucked my hearing thankyouverymuch'. I'm clumsy enough just sitting down in the house, what the hell am I gonna be like behind the wheel of a car?

It's either that, or live on campus. I've got serious misgivings about that. And I'd probably have to drive anyway to be able to get places. As much as I hate the fact that I'd miss out on a lot by living at home, not really being able to stay out till 3am with friends on the night before a crack of dawn lecture, or being able to really enjoy freshers week, there's not much I can do about that. I wouldn't bother doing the the whole clubbing thing. I've been in clubs before and had to leave b/c I can't stand how loud the music gets and I can't catch my breath either.

I really need to start thinking things through.

4 comments:

HArmstrong said...

hey meg! with CF i find a lot of the time we are so dependent on others, driving gives us a little bit of independence, so if it's possible go for it girl! what a pooey day you had....
i was just curious as to how you lost some of your hearing??

Megan said...

I lost about 80% or so of my hearing from IV tobra. It sucks, and its irriversable. Oh well!

Tori said...

When I was at Uni I got DSA which paid for taxis for me from my parents house to the train station in my town, then when I arrived in Glasgow I got a taxi from the train station to the Uni all paid for by DSA. I wasn't tied to having to get the taxi after Uni finished so I could still socialise and I didn't have to walk anywhere in the winter weather. Just wanted to let you know what there are other options out there. I'm sure they could arrange for the taxi to have an automated system of some sort because your nearly completely deaf. Have a look into it :)

Bitter_Angel said...

Ive lost aboutthe same amount of my hearing due to the IV gentamicin and it sucks.
However, my instructor was really patient with me (And was just a normal instructor) Though I hear more deeper sounds than higher sounds so I went for a male instructor.
They can basically go through everything with you first while sitting somewhere like a empty carpark where you cant do much damage. And then work on it till you feel comfortable enough to go out on a road.
Good luck with it. And driving makes a huge huge improvement. Plus if you are feeling crap you can leave anytime you want and not have to worry about getting picked up and such.

World mental heath day

So today was World mental health day. It seems a shame that so many people only feel able to speak out about mental health on one day of the...