Sunday, 26 August 2012

And the pancreas gives up the ghost

Well... mostly, from what I'm aware of.

I'm now a potential new member of club CFRD and I'm quite annoyed. I don't care if this is something that happens to nearly all CF patients at some point, and I don't care if I'll get used to it. Right now, it's one more 'thing' and a bit of a shock to the system when I heard the words "I think we're going to start you on some insulin".

You see, I can't remember if I mentioned it before, but last month or so, I did a three day blood sugar monitoring after a lot of suspicions with my dietitian that I could maybe be borderline diabetic, considering one of the symptoms is an inability to gain weight even when eating plenty, and my weight is so goddamn erratic, and because my HbA1C level was 50 at my annual review, as they do a random check of that too as well as everything else under the sun with the 12 pints of blood they seem to take. Anyhoo, I was given my own little blood sugar monitor and sent on my merry way. My sugars seemed fine for the three days I checked them - first thing in the morning before food, and two hours after my biggest meal (usually tea. And don't get me started on the whole lunch/tea/dinner/whatever you call it thing, THAT is a never ending battle with certain nitpickers...) except from the one time where I had my tea, went straight out to the pub and drank a J20, and then not long later needed to check my sugars... which were 11. I'd been told 4-7 in the morning, and 4.5-7.5 after my meal were fine, so this one surprised me. Ironically, at the time I was sitting with a friend who has type 1 diabetes, and he pointed out that 11 would still be pretty good for him, haha.

A couple of days later, we had to phone up the dietitian to tell her the results. She actually said that 11 was quite good considering the J20, and apparently she wanted me to slip up to see what my sugars did, which is fair enough, cos if I'd just not had anything with plenty of sugar in (which I usually do...) for the whole 3 days before checking them and went back with perfectly good sugars, it wouldn't be a true reflection of what they do if I usually eat my fair share, and everyone else's share, and actually had sugars going completely mental.

With me so far? Hope so....

So yeah. Potential CFRD-er. Or at least borderline, as I remember her saying she doesn't think I'll need to shoot up my insulin with everything (and my fucking god, I'm tired of explaining to people why they want to start straight onto that, and not try the whole tablet or diet control versions - other than the fact that I know diet control isn't possible cos I need to keep the calories - I DON'T REALLY BLOODY KNOW MYSELF! I'm new to this, don't ask ME the questions!!!) She thinks I'll probably just need it with bigger meals, and maybe when I've eaten way too much sugar. I know some people who only need to have insulin like that, or for example, when they do overnight feeds, but I don't do them. But I'm probably one of those kind of maybe-CFRD-ers.

But anyway, whether I've got it or not, I'm still pissed. Mostly cos it's just another 'thing' to deal with, it'll be a pain in the arse, at least to start with, and even though I'm going to continue to have 2 sugars in my tea, and I hate the taste of diet coke as opposed to normal (and I don't want to have to start asking for a 'vodka diet coke please'...) I'm going to ignore every one who whines at me about sugars, cos I'm taking the whole 'maybe only needing insulin with bigger meals' thing as being allowed to have some sugar, so NER!!!!

Besides, if it was major, ohmygod you're in immediate danger sort of high sugars, I'm assuming they would have started me on insulin now, rather than leaving it until my next appointment (and I've been told to do more random bloody sugar tests in the meantime). Which incidentally is in two weeks, to start IVs as I'm going to Chicago for 10 days at the end of Sept. If I have to add insulin to my list of crap to take, that might take the piss, as airlines are weird about insulin and apparently you can only take so much, bla bla bla. The other day, whilst looking up flights on AirFrance, I saw a separate part for diabetics, and thought I was lucky I didn't have CFRD as that potentially looked like a bit of an extra headache (we're not even including the whole thing with travel insurance in America - according to my physio, it's more complex than travel insurance with Europe, which was a walk in the park for me -, yet alone adding potentially diabetic and the extra it might cost me, crapppp!)

This was a bit of a long one. And I'm aware it was quite rant-y, but it's allowed. If you're going to tell me that diabetes, CF or not, is 'easy once you get the hang of it', or any thing else 'helpful' like that, go away, before I stab you in the eyes. I'll be fine with it, but right now, I want to rant and I want to complain and I want to be angry about the fact that my pancreas has decided to pretty much pack up and walk out on me. I don't care if it won't be a big deal eventually. Right now, it's new. It might take a bit of time to absorb that bit of information.

I'll finish off with a few photos. I've got 1,200 from Spain, and 900 from Keilder. Won't be putting all of them on, but here's a handful. Or three.

Thursday, 9 August 2012

Age: 21. Mental age: 12...

In my attempt to avoid ending up working in McDonalds, I'm trying to start up as a photographer. Professionally and all that jazz. I've already done things like editing and shoots professionally (i.e. paid) and for charity, so hopefully it won't be too hard to start to get a client basis and get bookings for shoots for events/personal shoots (whether they be family shoots or a model building up their portfolio, to be honest, I won't be picky) and maybe even sell some of my own prints. The hard part is working out how much to charge someone for a shoot/print whilst covering my own costs and making a profit, whilst also not burning a hole in potential client's pocket and them thinking I'm over priced. Hate the business side of things because being all official scares the crap out of me!

But then again, "Do you want fries with that" has never been my favourite phrase.

I've even made a facebook page, to go with my official-ness:

I'm working on getting a proper website, and I've also changed my Flickr so its essentially an online portfolio, with everything watermarked so people can't go around stealing my photos.

I also had an amazing birthday, I went to Scotland with my family for the day on the 2nd to visit my gran, grandad, uncle, aunt and cousin who all go on holiday together to Portpatrick every year, and it's always over my birthday, which meant I got my presents off them early - woo! 21 or not, I'll never grow up about that part. On my actual birthday, the 3rd, I got a kindle touch :D (and a kettle, don't ask, but I did actually want one) some owly things, which I love, and a few awesomely hilarious presents off Gem, including the mandatory rude sweets from Ann summers. Tasted quite nice actually...

I went for a meal with my family and boyfriend to a Chinese buffet, YUM! Even though my dad actually doesn't like Chinese and ate anything that wasn't remotely Chinese he could find. There was a massive choice though so we were all absolutely stuffed. I was pretty pleased that I'd finished Cipro at that point, and my appetite had come back, cos if I couldn't eat all that food I would have been seriously pissed off! After eating our body weight in food (you have to appreciate everyone's ability to have a seriously reduced mental age when it comes to the ice cream machine) we came back and then I went out to the pub that evening to have a few drinks with my friends. Well... I say a few drinks. The idea was to have a couple and keep it at that due to the IVs (fairly sure that was my first birthday on IVs too) and this turned out to being presented with 5 shots courtesy of my older sister, and basically me not paying for any of my drinks all night (not that I complained... :D).

IVs happily finished on Wed and I'm fully enjoying freedom again, and REALLY trying to keep on top of every single physio and neb session to make sure I can enjoy the rest of my summer, and a trip to Kielder Water on the 17th-19th which consists of a photographic experience day with birds of prey including real owls :D and then learning and looking at the stars that night, which should be amazing. The next two days we'll explore Kielder and there's so much to see/do, the views are pretty damn good and we don't even have to walk if I can't manage it thanks to my blue badge :D All of this was my birthday present off my fantastic boyfriend, and I have to admit, I can't fault his choice at all!

P.s. for the record, the photos of me in the previous post with curly hair, yep, that's my natural excuse for a hairstyle.

Long year? Long post

This year has been weird. I haven't done anything. Haven't achieved anything. Some time at the beginning of the year these days, I w...