Showing posts from February, 2010

Being lazy is an art you have to perfect.

I hate Fridays. Or, more or less, I hate having to go to work on Fridays. I've managed to pretty much skip this dealio for the past two weeks on account that I still feel fairly shitty (from lungs, infection, whatever. I don't even know what exactly, so you could just take your pick and you're probably right.) I made the fucking stupid mistake of saying 'I hope I stay well before IVs in two weeks.' Now this, my lovelies, is exactly the thing you're not meant to say if you don't want to jinx yourself. Of course, me being me, I said it and less than 24 hours later I felt like I'd been hit by a truck and then jumped on by several small (but evil) children. I took some co-codamol b/c the lungular regions were being annoying and hurting, and waited, like the ever patient person I am, for what felt like days (It was probably about 40 mins) for it to kick in. And when it finally did, I was about half conscious and probably slowly loosing the ability to type an…

Hospital folder held hostage. Please return shredded or alive.

I've got the joy of IVs in a couple of weeks. Which means I'll have made it an entire 7 weeks since finishing my last set of IVs (Unless everything gets shot to shit and I need them before that two weeks. Note to lungs: Don't. You. Fucking. Dare) I'm not entirely sure which meds I'll be getting. Probably Ceft and Colo, again. I did point out to my Dr that he has to find out what else I can have b/c I'm sick of having IVs that are less and less effective. These IVs will be for 3 weeks. Wonderful(!). I've never had a planned 3 week course that I'm aware of. It's usually, see how I am after two weeks and then phone up the hosp to ask (Uh.. tell) about a 3rd week. I have a horrible suspicion that 3 weeks are going to end up as my normal course of IVs. Ehh... As long as they work, I'm not that fussed.

Besides, when you think of it, IVs aren't that crappy as long as they do work. I get to do them at home so I still have my freedom with them. My w…

Realisation - it hits you like a truck.

I just realised something recently.

What if I do get on the college course?

For now, it seems like a pretty big 'if' judging on how slow its going. But whilst I still haven't had an offer yet, I haven't been declined either. What I realised, is that this whole thing is resting on the decision. And I have no idea what comes next. If I get on the course, what do I do? Where do I start? I haven't thought this through at all. I figured, I'd live at home and get to college everyday when I needed to. I didn't think this through, b/c I can't drive, trying to get a lift every morning to get to college before 9am from my Dad would be stupid, b/c the course is two years and if I got a lift to college, he'd still have to get back home which means basically, double the journey (I've checked the timetable for the current first year foundation degree, and its every fucking weekday starting at 9am) I can't take the bus b/c the schedule is royally fucked an…

Incomprehensible babbling.

I have nothing constructive to say right now. I just felt like writing a blog.

Meh *shrugs*

Oh, and Macs hate me. College proved this. I can't seem to make them co-operate most of the time. I asked my tutor, after my second failed log in (this time, instead of just logging me out, it shut the computer down entirely) if I could drop it off a bridge. He laughed. He didn't think I was serious.

I did get pretty bored and started to photoshop some of my photos just for the pure hell of it, and take utterly random photos. Let me tell you this - unless you're in the studio, the photography dept has very few things worth taking photos of. I'm just glad I'm feeling relatively better now (funnily enough, without the aid of Cipro) so I was able to get to college, unlike Friday, where I failed at being at work - 30 mins into my shift my boss sent me home, saying 'it's pretty obvious you're not well enough to work today'. Admittedly, I should have realised thi…

De ja vu all over again.

Oh fuck off already!

I'm tired, and grumpy and bitchy b/c of it. And really short of breath with minimal energy. I decided to have an enshake the other day. And I always put it in this bottle thing to shake rather than stir like hell, as it's easier. And I got exhausted pretty much as soon as I picked the damn thing up. I had to get my dad to shake the drink up for me instead whilst I stood there pathetically, feeling like shit and contemplated dying all over the kitchen floor to demonstrate what a dramatic child I am.

I keep wondering why these IVs wore off as quickly as they did this time. It's similar, but also different to last year. My first IVs of last year made me feel like death b/c Mero decided to be a total bastard to me and pretty much render me comatose for a couple of days. Or at least that's how I remember feeling like. I remember sleeping for about a day and a half and waking up starving. Anyway. My point is, almost right after these IVs I needed MORE IV…

And the damn cough just never lets up.

Well well well.

I'm almost finished Cipro and I don't feel at all different. In fact, half way through the course, I've had at least three people ask me, more than once, if I'm ok b/c I don't look well.


My 6th form tutor would ask me this a lot. The funny thing is, she'd think I looked ok when I felt like hell, and when I was ok, she'd say I looked ill. Warped.

On Sunday night, I barely slept at all. I mean, I cough a lot in the first place, and I'm obviously used to it b/c I generally sleep through it (Sorry poor fucks who can hear me! I've been known to wake people up a lot. In fact, my Mum usually tells me when I've been coughing all night b/c she's had to try and sleep through it. My family take the piss by having excellent hearing too). Anyway. So, on Sunday night, I kept getting woken up by my own incessant coughing. Every. 10. minutes. Which was pissing me off, a lot. By 4am, I'd already woken up and tried to g…

Silence is deafening.

I can't think of anything to write. Or... do, at all. It's weird. A few times, I've been doing nothing, literally, nothing, and I've had to shake myself to snap back into reality. It's freaky, definitely. Very spaced out.

It's quiet, everywhere. I don't see people much, or talk to anyone much anymore. I avoid talking much to people in person these days, as full blown conversations just end with me smiling and nodding, and wondering what the hell they've been talking about the whole time. It's near impossible to lip read people who mumble too. College reflects this. People talk, I usually stay quiet and try to listen. A lot of the time me and friends just write notes to each other b/c it's easier that way.

I don't really know what I'm getting at here. I just know that I hate being in the house on my own all the time, no one really to talk to. The only time I can honestly say I'm happy on my own is when I'm out the house taking pic…


As I write this my HR is currently 149 bmp. I seriously have no idea what's causing it - all I'm doing is sitting here watching a movie (For those nosey people, it's just John Tucker Must Die). But really. Maybe it's cause I couldn't catch my breath. Breathing really harsh and shallow is hardly a heart rates best friend. I could basically hear my HR. You'd think my hearts trying to break free at this rate.

I just checked it again and now it says 105bmp. Getting back to normal now, then. Down we go back to my normal 80 -or-so bmp.

Nothing else to say really. Just fancied freaking out a bit.

Insomnia induced quizzing.

Do you write notes on your hand?
All the time

Think a lot before you fall asleep?
Kinda depends on how the day went

Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
Yeah, loads

What are you doing besides this?
Procrastinating. I have an essay thing to write.

Will you be up before 7 AM tomorrow?
Oh god no. Why would I even attempt that?

What time did you go to bed last night?
5am ish

Have you ever liked someone older than you?
Yeah, generally b/c younger guys are immature as fuck

Does anyone regularly tell you they love you?

When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?
Round about the time I last had a social life

Would you rather it be sunny or rain?
Sunny. I can't take pics in the rain, it'd spaz my camera

Who knows you better than you know yourself?
No one. I don't think there's anyone I've told every single thing to.

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
Ha, yeah. Actually, he wasn't that bad.

Think back to the last person you kissed, how m…

Why you shouldn't press buttons.

I got attacked by a shower.


At work, I was minding my own, messing about with the buttons that switch the shower on in one of the cottages (It was a sort of disabled bathroom, so it was effectively a giant shower. I wasn't sitting in the tub like a complete idiot). This was clearly where I started to go wrong, but I carried on regardless. So I'm turning the buttons (there were two of them) and as the shower wasn't switching on, I continued to twist it. On, off, on, off. There were two different shower heads too, so I had no idea which one would switch on, so I was also satisfying my own curiosity. And continued to switch the buttons on and off.

Can you see where I'm going with this?

I twisted both one way, and there was this sudden WOOSH of water, but it quickly stopped. Not before it soaked my leg, but it did stop, almost. It kept dripping in a steady stream and I was twisting both buttons like mad to stop it, before I really did drench myself. This was where I…

Cipro is [never] the answer.

I'm having a tantrum at Cipro. Bare with me.

I had to go up to clinic on Weds, seeing as my Mum had phoned up saying I needed some Cipro. So we went in after my bone scan at the Freeman (Where, I got told not to cough during the scan by the tech. I just looked at her and said 'Seriously?!' The scan took about 5 minutes, but it felt so much longer, as the second someone says 'Don't cough', it's all you can think of doing. I also had the dignifying task of wearing a hospital gown during that scan. Sexy(!)) Anyway, so, clinic. I went in and did the routine stuff, weight and PFTs. My weight went up but my LF is down. I wasn't sure of how much they'd exactly gone down till I could have a look at all the old numbers. I'm now at 61%, lowest I've actually been since August 2008. Whoops. Not that 61% isn't a bad number. I still think it's pretty good. I wouldn't mind going back up though.

I talked to the physio and mentioned the 91% sats …

Prescriptions and pictures.

I can't be bothered to think up an inventive title. It took me forever to think of what to write for this blog anyway.

So my Mum phoned up the Dr asking to put me on Cipro. The thing that clinched her decision to phone up was cause my sats dropped to 91% after 5 minutes on the wii fit. I was getting exhausted, fast. It's ridiculous. She also said that we're gonna have to think about suggesting having 3 weeks of IVs instead of 2 weeks from now, her point being that every single round of IVs in the last year have left me needing Cipro afterwards, and scheduling the next IVs not long after. We're just waiting for the Dr to call back, as we got his secretary on the phone.

I'm trying to see the bright side here. But Cipro does nothing for me. At least, I've never noticed it to. The only thing is the temporary LF increase which I can enjoy. Next time I go on IVs, if the Dr agrees with the 3 week thing, it'll just mean I'll feel much better afterwards, which w…