Thursday, 13 May 2010

Confessions: I'm a wimp.

I actually went swimming again. Slightly regretted it after the first length, but carried on till 10 lengths. And then most likely crawled out of the pool. My competitive side is a moron - I tried to overtake someone who was already half a length ahead of me at one point. I actually got to the other side at the same time she did. And then every muscle in my body really hated me for that.

Whoops.

Oh well. At least my physio will be happy I'm actually getting up and doing stuff. I know I said I was going to just be uber lazy all week after knackering myself on Saturday, well I didn't really follow that. In truth, I can't remember Monday or Tuesday at all for some reason (yes, thanks crap memory) but I know I was out on Weds, and obviously today. I won't bother going anywhere tomorrow so I can actually lounge about for once.

I've finally got my tattoo designed, and I really, really want to get the stones to get it next week, or the week after. Apart from the fact that I'm a total wuss. I really am. My sister has to go with me, probably b/c they'll think I'm a 14 year old, and I won't hear a word they're saying. And the fact that even though this is my tattoo, which was entirely my idea, and my choice... I'm gonna find it really hard to stay the fuck still whilst a needle messes about with my wrist.

I duno why I'm so pathetic about all things like that. I mean, I swear you could say I'm the most wimpy CFer you could find. I don't mind blood takes and ops (providing I get general) and having my port accessed, but at the same time, I can't watch them take blood, and if they ever try and give me local rather than general, I'll bolt. The idea of ever having a bronch or a port done under just local.... *shivers*. No. Not happening. You can tell me till you're blue in the face, that when you had an op/bronc/whatever under local, it was fine and you can't even remember it, but I don't think you can convince me to ever go through these things myself.

For god sakes, I'm scared of a small tattoo. I know people with WAY bigger tattoos. Who were a lot less scared than I was!

I'll admit I'm scared of a lot of stuff; for the first two seconds when they access my port b/c I always worry when number 3 is going to give up the ghost. I'm scared of the future. I'm scared of this foundation degree. I'm scared of meeting new people and them finding out CF and the like b/c you never know how they'll react. I put a lot of this stuff to the back of my mind and try not to think about it. But I guess it's never going to go away till you just think 'fuck it' and confront your fears.

Even if it's never that straight forward.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

You have a funny way of writing, like reading your blog.

Gem said...

I think I could be a challenger for the biggest wimp!! haha! It's normal to be worried about a tattoo (or anything you've never done/had before) You don't know what to expect for a start. I'm sure it will be absolutely fine and just think of the end result!!! Xx

Lauren said...

I'm scared of stuff too Megs.

But I'm pretttty sure the tattoo will be fine and even if it hurts, you'll be happy you did it. you've wanted it for so long and stuff :)

Claudia said...

I love reading your blogs. They make me smile b/c sometimes you know how to find the humor in this terrible disease that a lot of us share. And as far as the tattoo, I could never undergo the pain but yet I got my nose pierced when I was 18. That hurt like hell!!!

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