Everyone's sick.

And I feel helpless. Unfortunately there's no magic fix, so all I can do is ask everyone to please feel the fuck better. And hope that helps.

Um...

I'm bored. Obviously.

On Tues I went to see Toy Story 3, in 3D, with subs, with my younger sis. It was a good movie, I loved it. Even worth the 11 year wait. And I'm not a patient person. Here's me and my sis being oh-so-cool in our 3D glasses

Sorry for the shitty quality of the picture. Darkness & mobiles don't make the *best* of photos. Good popcorn too. You can never beat cinema style.

I had a driving lesson the other morning at 10am. Which, by the by, is the earliest I'll ever agree to. Thankfully my next one isn't till 1.15pm. Anyway, I officially love driving. Even if I still suck at junctions and stall like a bitch. But everyone tells me that they're the same and you eventually get the hang of it. And randomly stalling at junctions becomes a thing of the past. Which is good, cos everyone who drives behind me gets impatient.

My instructor is ace though, cos she flips them off as they over take me.

Fading away.

Not literally. And not in a whole dramatic sense. More or less, just feeling like I'm drifting away from other people. I know its inevitable but some of these people you thought you'd be close with, talk all the time, forever, cos there isn't something just like a job, a place or school tying you together. It's not their fault. I can't blame people for being too busy or whatever it is taking up their time. And I'm guilty myself for not really making an effort b/c I get it into my head that they're not exactly bothered themselves so I just let it be.

Ok, pity party over. I even annoy myself.

I've got a new addiction. These:

They're yum. To be honest, I think 'yum' is an understatement and kinda insulting b/c they're WAY more than that. And it's totally worth trekking up to Nero's just for one.

Clinic on Friday was normal. Actually it was pretty good. I don't mind clinic when there's fit porters, fit lung function techs, and the new addition of a fit young dr. Said fit dr who was the one to give me 30mg of pred when my lungs were whining for attention. Anyway, I didn't see that dr on Fri, I saw my normal dr. My LF is actually up, so YAY! Mega happy about this b/c I've really not been feeling like it. My weight is up too now, so the dietitian pretty much just walked in the room, sat at the desk, said 'You're wonderful' and walked back out. B/c I'm inconvenient in the form of refusing cipro, there's nothing the dr suggested for my bitch of a cough. I'm getting IVs on the 20th Aug, which I've just realised is probably gonna fuck up the end of my summer, but I won't be able to go any longer without them, and I need IVs before I start college b/c nothing is worse than starting a two year course feeling like crap.

I saw my x-ray from the other week and saw my microbiology results too. Out of 12 drugs on the list, I'm sensitive to 10 of them. Which begs the question why I never get anything other than colo and ceft for every IVs. But then again, my dr doesn't even admit me or give me an epi pen when I go on a new drug. Lovely. Obviously I can't have every single drug out of the 10, b/c theres tobra and gent which would probably just screw with whats left of my hearing if I went on those. I dunno if any of the others were aminoglycosides, but there probably was one or two others.

I fail to see why the dr likes to point out my bronchiectasis every time I see the xray. I'm aware it's there, I hate that it's there. Shush about it. Oh, and I saw Jodie at clinic. First time we've bumped into each other there but we didn't get to stand around and talk or anything b/c the nurse came for me to put me into a room. The first thing she said when she caught me on msn later that night was 'You're tiny. And I thought I was a midget..'. Cheers Jodie..!

Yeah that's pretty much it. I got my first proper lie in today b/c no more college on Saturday! Yay! I did love the course, but being surrounded by a bunch of people 10 - 20 years older than me really took the piss. All that's left to do with my day is to drink ridiuclous amounts of tea (as always) and attempt to watch Saw 5 later. That's not gonna happen. I can't watch something that creepy on my own without getting terrified.

Busy-ness.

I've been designing posters and tickets for Tori, as she's planning a Masquerade ball in October, for Live Life then Give Life. I like messing about in photoshop and have sooooo little to do these days, so I happily took on the challenge. Even if half the time I was a bit inspiration less and considered just telling Tori to use one of these photos of me being a retard, but essentially still showing all the important info...

A little bit of google snooping solved the problem though. That, and googling completely pointless things which has sort of become an addiction. Although I do think I've reached the height of boredom when I start searching 'weird things on google earth' b/c that's a bit of a wild card and you're probably gonna come up with some *pretty* bizarre stuff.

I'm going to see Toy Story 3 as soon as I can find a subbed screening in Newcastle. I'm taking my little sister and she's already planning on a ridiculous amount of popcorn that's probably not even gonna last through the previews. I'm gonna attempt to get a child's ticket, just for the shits and giggles of it. It won't be difficult considering I regularly pass for 14 (I actually got 13 off someone in my own family yesterday, b/c apparently I look even younger with my hair up and I 'don't look 13, you look about 3'). It's not even about getting a cheaper ticket b/c I know a student's ticket costs the same as a child's (depending on where I go). If any small child pisses me off when I go see the film, I will genuinely crush them under foot b/c I've essentially been waiting 11 years to see Toy story 3, and they've never heard of it until 2 months ago or something. Same rules apply to waiting in line at the box office. I will NOT be getting crappy seats b/c some evil devil child runs past me to get there first. I don't even think it's going too far to say I'll stick my foot out and watch them do a tumble worthy of 'You've been framed.'

What else... I have a driving lesson tomorrow from 11 - 1 (consider this the national warning that I'll be out on the roads and behind the wheel) and I love driving even if the lessons are slowly burning a hole in my pocket. And then clinic on Fri where I'm sure everything will probably be exactly the same as it always is. I don't feel any worse even if my cough is being a bastard and I'm getting knackered a bit more. I'm almost 5 weeks out of IVs so I doubt they'll put me back on them right now.

Somehow I doubt I'll be getting back into my whole '3 months with no IVs' thing just yet.

Exhibition and other happenings.

Latest driving obstacle is stalling. Joy(!) I know that's normal but it happens so damn much! My driving lesson today was good though. I drove through an industrial estate and on to actual road (and probably pissed people off with the amount they were overtaking me) b/c my instructor was talking me through turns and junctions. I had a two hour lesson so got through a lot, managed to reverse a few times without even crashing into the cars behind, so I consider that a bonus. The only major problem I have is that b/c I'm fun sized, the seat belt still cuts into my neck even when it's adjusted as low as possible. It sort of rubs on the line from my port and that's getting so annoying. I really want this port to actually last a long time, but if I ever need another one, I'll probably ask for it to be on the left side. I think they're generally on the left side anyway, at least upper chest ports in adults, cos you do have to think practically if the thing is gonna be hanging around for a while.

I had my photography exhibition yesterday. B/c we'd fixed the prints on the boards with blu tack, we'd been joking that they would all fall down.

Yeah, they all fell down.

So we hauled ourselves to the exhibition hall at college earlier so we'd be able to fix them all back up. It started at 6, and there were a fair few people there. Pretty sure one of my tutors was determined to get drunk at the amount I saw him necking back. My last day of the course is this Saturday, and we'll only be in for a few hours, taking down the work and probably just talking and shiz. It's been a really long year, at least to me. And it's strange when you think you started out in a full class and now, finishing the course, there's about 11 of us. I put these photos up in the exhibition:

When we left it was completely pissing rain. And me with my new HAs love the rain. Well I've always loved it, but now I love listening to it too. It's pretty cool. I did say that I wanted a huge rainstorm so I could just listen to the rain. And I got it! That might seem unlikely for there to be a sudden torrential downpour in the middle of spring/summer, especially given this heat. But then you remember that I'm in the UK, where the weather does love to piss on your parade at any given chance. But I loved it!

After running around like a total 'tard (best way) in the rain, my hair went all curly, like it does. So I was left with a total hair 'splosion.

I got my hair cut today, quite short which is what it was meant to be like a couple of months ago but the hairdresser so kindly didn't cut my hair like I asked and I can never be arsed to bother correcting them. Every time I get a chunk off my hair they look at me and say '...are you sure?' cos I've had long hair for a looooong time. Now it's quite short for me. I don't think it's been this length since I was about 11. It's taking some getting used to.

Oh and I just found this oldish photo of me (I think I was 16 cos I've got braces in this photo) which makes me realise how short my hair actually is now. I know I look a bit of a moron in that photo but I'm not really fussed.

Warning to the world - I'm learning to drive.

Seriously, people should take cover. I mean, yeah, I've had one proper lesson. And my instructor was explaining that you shouldn't worry, that every single person feels exactly the same as you sit behind the wheel and turn on the ignition. But I don't think I'm one of those 'totally picking it up instantly and being a natural' type of drivers. For starters, I tend to forget stuff.

Like actually taking your foot off the clutch when you start moving.

My first attempt at driving in my Dad's car down an empty road was doomed from the start considering I switched the window wipers on whilst turning the keys. Well, actually it wasn't that bad. I only drove down the road a couple of times and didn't flatten any sheep from the nearby field, so that's a plus.

So yeah, my first proper lesson with an instructor was on Friday. Nerve racking b/c I didn't want to mangle the car, but also cool b/c after basically being legal to learn for 2 years, and actually having a provisional for the past 10 months, I'm finally bothering to learn. She said I did well. I'm pretty sure she's sort of inclined to say that to everyone cos having your confidence shot to shit would only be good news for the local garage.  When I remember what to do, I can drive ok. The clutch thing I still managed to forget to do several times. But it's stopping where I tank badly b/c my mind sort of goes blank.

And either my instructor was yelling 'STOP!!!!!' or my imagination has created a different scenario, but I do actually remember going to stop, forgetting completely about the clutch and break and keeping my foot on the accelerator.

I'm just thinking its a good thing that road was empty.

My next lesson is on Thursday and I bagged a two hour lesson instead of just the one hour.

Anyone who fancies being in Consett at 11am on Thursday... I really, really strongly advise against it.

Back on the 10mg train.

And so we're back to our maintenance 10mg of pred. I don't think the 30mg did anything except make me even more hungry than usual. I actually have a stash of food in my room for when I'm absentmindedly hungry and eat stuff to help this weight gain deal. To be honest, I'm kind of just a few appliances short of having an entire kitchen in my room.  I still woke up on Tuesday with my ribs/lungs being even more painful (It's moving about, grr. At least stay in one place so I can have some consistency with temperamental lungs! I never know when/where it's going to hit me next) and b/c I was really short of breath, I checked my sats. 88. Lovely. They're generally about 95 which is good, I can be a completely healthy git and push to 97 on a good day.  So I don't like my 80's numbers.

I duno what I'm bitching about. I probably have it way easier than basically every lung affected-y person I know.  

Er, yeah. That was a pretty shit update. But that's all I have to say.

Prednisolone burst.

*grumbles*

I hate pred. Don't get me wrong, I love that it does it's job. But I hate the side effects, like the insomnia (which I already have, so added with a 5 day pred increase to 30mg- which isn't the end of the world, but is higher than my maintenance 10mg- I'm probably gonna be a sleepless zombie for a few days) plus the potential threat of being all hamster cheeked (which I did when I was 11/12 and will gladly never go through again if I had the option) and the part where I'm ravenously hungry all. the. damn. time. Thats a good thing too. But 3am munchies get annoying. Especially when you're me and you can't be arsed with the effort of actually finding food. Or even worse, if you've already eaten everything the day before and basically theres nothing left short of having a midnight mish to Tesco.

So, why the increase? My lungs are bastards to me. I woke up on Wed morning at stupid o clock with major pain in the top of my right lung whenever I breathed or coughed. After what felt like forever I managed to fall back to sleep (continuing my impressive subconscious determination to refuse to get out of bed before 12 these days) but the pain stayed all day. I'm used to it, in a way. Since last year's pleurisy debacle, I rarely go long without the lungulars kicking up a fuss. But most of the time I can just keep going on, and sort of ignore it. Not on the cards this time, it seems. I tried basic ibuprofen which did jack all, so I didn't bother continually drugging myself up if it wasn't going to work. I'm betting the ridiculous heat can't be helping matters though.

I thought that when I woke up today that I'd be fine; the pain started to dull as Weds went on, so I figured that I'd be fine, or at least, a bit better by today. Then I got my stupid wake up call in the shape of my lungs again. I caved and went for the co-codamol (b/c there's nothing stronger in this house. If there was, I would have gone for that instead) hoping that this would solve it. Well, in a way, it did work.

For 10 minutes.

Then came back all the stupid ouch-y ness and I can bearly cough b/c of how much it hurts, which means my lungs feel gross. My dad phoned up the hosp, and they said to come in for an x-ray. I didn't see my normal dr, I saw a different one who I've never seen before but he was good (and younger. And, erm, fit). His theory was that it was either pleurisy, infection, or that I'd yanked a muscle (My dad mentioned the zip wire, so he thought it was possible I pulled something whilst going 30mph over the Tyne). My x-ray apparently looked normal, I never saw it. I think there were some funky sounds over the stethoscope though. He suggested that I increase my pred dose to 30mg for 5 days and then go back to normal, and hopefully it'll help, b/c it's most likely inflammation, or infection. He did suggest Cipro, and I point blank said 'Not on your life' b/c I've said that I'm refusing it, at least for now. I've kind of become resistant to it b/c it just doesn't work. If anything, I feel crap whilst on cipro and go back to how I was feeling before it, once I've finished the dose.

Anyway, yeah thats the gist of it. Bitchy lungs, and the outcome is 5 days of 30mg. I'm gonna be SO hungry.