Days like this.

Oh. I'm a mixture of upset, confused, and damn right pissed off right now. And why? Cause I found out that after months of waiting, that the college I applied to have declined me. I don't know why, I'm convinced that it's because it said I'm deaf on my application, as I have the 'relevant A-Level' (art) that was required without having to do an extra year long course.

The art teachers keep trying to tell me that I should do this extra course, that it will 'prepare me for college', but right now, I couldn't care less. I don't want to wait another year doing other art stuff, I want to do photography. One art teacher said 'you'll get to continue with art, and maybe you'll decide you don't want to do photography any more' and I was left spluttering and trying not to slap her. This is the first time in my life I've actually made a proper decision about my future and shes trying to make me think that I should change my mind. I don't want to spend the majority of my life in school. I don't know if I'll be ill next year, I'm doing (generally) OK this year, so I don't want to sit around for a gap year and apply again. I know what people think, that they’re 'not allowed' to discriminate against me because I'm deaf, but for all I know, that’s the real reason why they refused me and are making up some other excuse.

I'm sick and tired, after only one day, of people telling me to not worry myself and not to give up hope. I have a headache from crying, out of anger mainly, and all I can do is wait for a woman from the 6th form office to call up the college and find out WHY they said I can't do the course (it can't be because too many people signed up, I've had my application form waiting since December, but it only went through 2 weeks ago as it was an art course I was applying for.)
Its not like I had the choice to apply to anywhere else either - It costs a bucket load to live on campus, and not to mention the most important thing, I need to be relatively near a hospital with a CF clinic, and not every hospital has one, which is why it makes perfect sense to apply to Newcastle College, when my hospital is in Newcastle too, and I only live 30 minutes away.

Truth be told, I was looking forward to college, and now the overall result is in the hands of a woman named Rebecca and a few phone calls to the college. I’m hoping there’s some sort of appeal thing that I can do to try and change their minds. After all, that’s how I got into QEHS. At first they had declined me, based on where I live, but a letter from my nurse explaining why I should go to QE, where my friends are, and how they help me with crappy hearing and are totally used to me popping pills at lunch and such, totally helped and I (obviously) got into that school.

I’m sick of people talking about their college interviews. No one has tried to say anything helpful. I mean, yes I know that there’s little to say without sounding like a total arse and making the person (Aka, me) wanting to slap them across the face, but at the same time, a hug would have done. I know its not anyone’s fault they have an interview, good for them for getting accepted, but I’m allowed to be a bit pissed at the people who got an offer from all 5 colleges they applied to, when I only had one college of choice with a decent photography course (oh, and they can’t have refused me because the course is full, as there were two identical courses.)

I’m still coughing, unfortunately, and it’s doing my head in. I didn’t cough too much today, but on the times I did, man did it hurt my head (if you remember aforementioned headache, which felt like an elephant, or something to that effect) Cipro obviously hasn’t had much effect on me this time then. If this cough gets worse in the next week (I have an appointment at the hospital for next Wednesday or Thursday) they’ll probably think that the best way forward is IVs. Although its been since the end of November/December since my last IVs, which has got to be a record for me at the moment, almost 4 months without IVs, and I’m thrilled about that. There was a point last year when it looked like regular IVs every 2 months rather than 3, as I was doing quite badly, but as it goes, I’ve obviously improved.

I think I need to stop now, as I’ve been sitting cross –legged on this seat, and my feet have pins and needles.