B/c having a quiet, unembarrassing life, is overrated.

I've signed up for a Level 1 sign language course. This is big to me - for years I've refused to learn as I'd thought it was a way of maybe accepting the fact that I'm basically deaf. I hate it and fight with it every day, so learning something that essentially says to a lot of people 'I'm deaf' didn't appeal to me, even though on another level I knew I had to learn as it's a handy skill, not just deaf people know how to sign, and it'll make things like lectures easy as I can follow the signer rather than sit there clueless with no idea what is going on.

The course starts the week I finish my first year of the photography degree (and obviously, fuck-me-I-can't-believe-I-got-through-that). It's a fast track course so will be about 20 hours a week, and only takes 3 weeks. Theres assessments after each module to show you've learnt the stuff. The only thing I'm wondering is if I'll actually remember it - I have THE worst memory. I can't remember what I said 5 minutes ago. So even if I do actually manage to get through the module assessments, I have no idea if I'll remember it during the 3 months I have off until 2nd year starts. I don't know anyone outside of college to sign to.

Also... I have a habit of monumentally fucking up my first day. Your witness...

First tutorial in the beginning of year 9, starting a new high school. I'd been sitting in the classroom with my friend for a good 30 minutes, the teacher went through the register. And my name wasn't called out. I was in the wrong classroom. Always a way to hold onto your 13year old dignity, walk out of one packed classroom, and walk into another full class, half an hour late.

Throughout middle school/high school/6th form, I've done the whole walking into the wrong classroom, and walking into the correct class, very late, tonnes of times over the years. But it's still slightly more embarrassing when its the very first day and you're walking into a class full of people you don't even know yet.

The first day of this foundation degree I'm currently on, I walked in 10 minutes late. I'd been standing in the foyer with all the other people in my class, but I had no idea who they were, and I didn't hear the tutor come down the corridor and call for the new photography FdA students. So I stood about until I recognised someone and they took me to the right room. That one wasn't too bad. I definitely wasn't the very last person to walk in late, at least.

The winner for this though, was my Saturday course. Not only did I walk into the class, over an hour late, I was also pretty drenched from the downpour which decided to accompany me on my walk to the college after my monumental fuck up of the buses, fairly exhausted, and basically resembled a drowned rat. After walking into the completely packed classroom, I managed to locate one empty chair all the way on the other side of the class, at the front. Sat down, and started to listen to the tutor.

Then I realised I didn't even have a pen. Cos I'm a fucking winner like that.

So yeah, to say that I'm slightly interested, and also apprehensive on how this new course is going to go, is maybe a slight understatement.