Saturday, 18 September 2010

Rant time...

Been feeling very *blah* lately. No idea why. I think it's still the impending college thing. Please stop fucking telling me I'll be fine b/c it's either gonna go really good, or really shit, and I can't help but think, however it's gonna go, I'm gonna have all this extra stress generated by that woman who was on my previous course but who is on this one too. Once a week for a year was enough. So a sense of dread creeps up when I think of 4 days a week for two years. Deep joy...

There's nothing to get ready for college really. I'm thinking of not even taking my camera in for the first day - I was told that the first year is mostly film, and I really hate the darkroom part of that, so thats another sense of utter crap-ness that adds to the fun.

I just seem to be finding stuff that pisses me off lately, not a lot seems fantastic. My last IVs were basically a write off when I got a cold during them, thought it left early by some miracle, only for it to return the next day, so I ended IVs with a cold, pissed me off royally, as I'm coughing worse than when I fucking started the things and that's not something that makes me want to jump up and down celebrating for some reason.

Oh and driving is a fail lately. I suck at reversing round a corner. Last lesson was really hot, specifically for the time we worked on maneuvers (and then it cooled down when I drove off, talk about timing) and the sun kept catching me in the eyes a lot too. I was starting to get really frustrated, I know it takes practice but I'm not any better from when I started on the damn things. My heart just sinks when I'm wonky in the middle of the road, miles away from the kerb, and my instructor says 'ok, try again'. She's really nice and we have a laugh, but one thing that really annoys me (and why I kind of despise the dual pedal control system) is that if I stall somewhere, or stop too slow, she'll break and clutch, and then tell me to start the car back up but won't take her foot off the clutch, so I can't find the bite and start driving again. Really annoyed me when that happened at a crossing. I didn't see the old bloke on his scooter in time (woops...) so she slammed the break on, I ended up stalling and she said to start the car back up and drive off. I would have... if she would take her foot off the flattened clutch. It was even worse that a whole crowd of charvs were sitting watching at the time. I pretended I couldn't see them but it really knocked me one when they were laughing at my spectacular almost killing a pensioner, stalling, failing to drive off... grr.

Yeah so that's my rant. Probably has a few things I haven't mentioned, not really blog stuff or things I'm trying to ignore that are making me crazy. I don't deal with stuff well. I let it collect up and it probably has some sort of amazing volcano affect to be honest. Feel sorry for the people I vent to. Really. I hate feeling like this. I'm really trying to see bright sides in stuff, have a laugh at things, but something always crops up and wrecks my mood.

Although I've discovered hugs are a nice temporary fix to this :)


MBNAD woman said...

You think that's venting?? You're an amateur, girl! Wait another 35 - 40 years for the menopause then you'll really be able to give it large ;-)
It's the waiting for it all to happen that stresses you up, isn't it?
Small blog-hug.
Mad x

Anonymous said...

Hugs for you Meg from Georgia. Wishing you stress free happiness!!

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