Tuesday, 21 September 2010

It's gonna be a long two years.

So, first day... scaryscary, yeah?

Ok, yeah it was. First day involved a fuck load of walking around and tours around campus (yeah I know I've already been here but I've not been around the entire place so we kinda had to go). I didn't really speak to anyone, I'm too shy to, and exhausted, and I can't hear what people are saying and they mumble, and it takes more energy than I had today to really listen to people so I sort of just kept with that one person who I already know. Minimal energy me means sticking in the comfort zone rather than talking to people and getting to know the others on my course.

And you know what? I'm so tired after my first day, that I've just been thinking constantly 'I can't do this'. One day, and I'm knackered. This is a 4 day a week course for two years. How the fuck can I do that?

We've already been given the outlines of two projects to start, which have to be done and finished by the end of Oct. DSA are taking their sweet time, and I don't have anything from it. Main things were the taxis (cos it's stupid to ask my dad to run me to college and then drive back every day) and a note taker. There's someone from student support who was signing away for the other deaf person on the course, and she had my name on her sheet, so she's there to help me too. We're pretty sure she'll end up being my note taker too b/c it'd be silly to have two support workers in one class.

My first project is dark room stuff. I hate that, I'm not that good at the enlarger process and I really HATE the actual darkroom b/c I can't understand a thing anyone is saying as you can't see their faces. 

And I'm just so fucking tired and worn out. I don't want to admit this to anyone cos they'll just tell me I'm just worried over nothing and I'll be fine. Clearly my logics a bit warped with writing this on the blog... but yeah. It's not like I can just pick up the phone and rant to one of my mates about it. Texts can only convey so much.


Gem said...

You can do it! First days are always the worst. You use up so much nervous energy just in the anticipation of going and like you said they made you go on walking tours so you're going to be knackered! Seriously, if you need me I'm on the end of a voicemail :D Keep going! *huglets* xxx

MBNAD woman said...

New stuff always leaves you knackered. I'm doing a French for Business course at the moment (don't ask) and I could do with a little sleep after each class.

Most other people on your course will be feeling strange, shy, lonely and dislocated. Try smiling at some of them? They'll be so relieved to see a friendly face.

Honest. I still have to make myself do it in every new situation but most people think that I float on a cloud of self-confidence.

Anyway, great that your course has started.

Mad x

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