Tuesday, 7 July 2009

Unaccomplished expectations.

I've had a fairly uneventful week. I went to clinic on Friday, and my PFTs are holding steady at the exact same number they were last month. That's good and bad. It's good as it means the numbers haven't declined, but it's bad as I was hoping for an increase after all this effing running. I feel like I've accomplished nothing, even though I've only been running for a month and a half, and I'm sure that the incessant heat has had some effect on me (and not necessarily a positive effect either). I was so hoping for an increase of my PFTs, even just by a few numbers, and instead I get the exact same numbers as last time. I suppose you could argue that I haven't had IVs for a while and that had I not started running, my numbers would be lower, but I still have an empty space where I was hoping for some feeling of accomplishment.

I've got a month till my next appointment, where I'll be getting IVs. Ceftaz and Colistin. I haven't seen the 80's in my PFTs since before I went on Meropenum IVs around Feb or March, and I'm still annoyed about that. I was SO against Meropenum, and the Doc pretty much forced it on me, even bringing in another Doc into the room to argue with me. I mentioned this when it happened. The stupid thing is, the argument was pointless as both doctors hadn't listened to me - they thought I was against IVs full stop, which is ironic as I was the one who suggested the need of IVs, having not had them for about 4 months at the time. I was doing great then. It was the first in a long time that I'd gone 4 months without IVs. In fact, I would have been better overall without IVs rather than the Meropenum. Plus there's the pleurisy. It apparently takes a while to get over it, so when I get higher PFTs, I will consider pleurisy well and truly whacked out of the park.

I'm giddy for the 6th Harry Potter movie to come out. Probably even more so this time as I'll be finding a subtitled screening to see, and actually understanding the movie at the time :) And then it's my 18th on the 3rd August. My IVs are scheduled for the 5th. Just as well that I don't feel like going on benders to celebrate my 18th! However, my friend is having her 18th party on the 16th and it always bugs people when you're the only person who refuses to drink at a party. I have my priorities about me now, and I won't be drinking whilst on IVs, and hopefully I won't spend the night coughing either, as I'll be more than halfway through the two weeks. I do have to figure out times though - we're trying to avoid the need to make me have a dose at the party, which is easier than in the past, as now I just get two doses a day rather than 3. We'll just have to wait and see!

The heat seemed to go away recently to be replaced with relentless raining. How fun(!). Whilst I was at London, I ate a serious amount, including having loads of smoothies. When I was at clinic on Friday, I was sure to see a nice whopping boost in my weight. And I'm still waiting, as I only gained 0.2 kg. I thought I'd gained at least 1kg, but I didn't manage anything near it. And all because of the stupid heatwaves we've been having. I obviously lost all the weight I'd put on through the stupid heat. So there is another sense of un-accomplishment joined with the lack of big PFT numbers.

I'm enjoying Torchwood, season 3, which started last night. I didn't realise how much I missed it! The other channels on Sky which show Torchwood never have subtitles, except from the episode I saw on Saturday night. I was so giddy to finally watch Torchwood with subtitles, but I expect that next time I get my hopes up about Watch or whatever the channel is having Torchwood with subtitles, they'll go away. Kinda like when I would watch old Casualty in the morning, and then the next day, subtitles were never seen on the programme again! It's almost like discrimination against deaf people to be honest.

And finally, my London photos. I've made a video on Windows Movie Maker, but blogger kept having errors when I uploaded it. I tried making one on slide.com, but with the amount of photos I had, the screen kept shutting itself off. I'm probably at the point where I wouldn't mind crawling into a small hole and screaming. But I'll try and solider through and get my wonderful pics on here. Y'know... somehow.


RunSickboyRun.com said...

As you know, PFT's aren't an exact science and they could have been that number on that day and ONLY that day. You're true numbers could very well be higher. Also, I'm assuming that you didn't have as consistent of an exercise and treatment schedule while on vacation and that would affect your numbers.

Don't get discouraged. Use it as fuel to push harder.


Kellee said...

=( sorry you didnt see a jump in numbers BUT keeping them from dropping is something to be proud of ;)

Gemma said...

with regards to movie maker, are you pressing publish and publishing the movie before you try put ot on blogger? otherwise it wont work. Also it takes AGES to upload so don't worry if its taking a long time!
Why were you so agasint mero? Sorry if you have told this story before! I've had mero twice and thought it was quite good.
Can't you plan your IVs so they are not on your birthday? I always try to plan my IVs so they don't clash with anything important :o)

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