Showing posts from January, 2011

I'm currently surviving on 5 hours sleep.

Possibly less.

And I have no idea how.

I went out to town for a friends birthday last night (friday) and basically about 7 hours straight on my feet in Newcastle. Didn't sit down, just danced away and my feet screamed at me b/c my boots hurt like hell after a while (but that's how you know it looks good ;) fuck it if you disagree, I live by that rule :D)

Not too many photos were taken. I know I take a million and one in general, but I've made it my mission to take as many as possible at all my friend's 20ths. Well, starting from last Friday anyway.

And for the record, it's no longer Twenty. It's Twenteen. B/c if we can still get ID'd everywhere and laugh at stupid and immature stuff and do silly quizzes in magazines with your best friends at 10 am when you're half asleep and laughing at each other's drunken cringes of the night before...

Then goddammit I still consider myself a teenager.

But yeah, ridiculous levels of fun was had, and I was so so so…

*Mendy thoughts on the way*

What are you supposed to do, when one of your really good friends, one of the most amazing people you'll ever know, are stuck in hospital, miles away, desperately ill, and the only thing you can do is send good thoughts and love and mendy vibes, hoping that everything will work out?

It does my head in.

Keeping your chin up, that fake smile that projects to the world the illusion that you're okay, when in fact, you're in pieces inside.

I don't know what to fucking do.

To say I hate this sort of situation is an understatement.

I've got nothing else to say but I still feel the need to ramble horrendously. It's what I do.

Lauren isn't doing so fantastic right now. She's been fairly ill on and off for ages now and all you want to do is just fix it so she can have her life back. But recently, she took a bad turn. Her weight has dropped, she's now on oxygen 24/7, and they've doped her up to the eyeballs with morphine. Lately she hasn't gotten worse …

Inked... again.

I got another one :D

It says 'Hope', in chinese. They're so damn addictive. Not just the adrenaline you get, but the fact that you're controlling something that's happening to your body. Which, for a CFer, is a big thing. B/c I can't control what my lungs do, how I feel on a day to day basis, the riducluous state of my weight, no matter how hard I try, at least I can choose what a tattoo looks like, what it might say, where it can go. I've always wanted a tattoo on the back of my neck anyway and I fancied maybe a quote or another word I like the meaning to, and having it in chinese just looks cool. I don't want to end up looking like a walking dictionary anyway. I think I'm probably done for tattoos now, I don't want to end up covered, I just wanted a couple of small things that mean stuff to me.

Getting this one was different, for starters, I couldn't watch, obviously, as it was on the back of my neck. I loved watching my wrist one, I just …

Four words:

Giant french fancy cake.

Oh yeahhhh.

My mum bought me it b/c I passed my theory test (Yep, you read that right, I passed the bastard. I didn't tell a soul I had the test except from my parents as I needed a lift, cos I was convinced I'd jinx myself. But I passed. WHOO!!!!)

I passed it on the 4th (I think). I'm a bit sketchy with the date when it's the holidays. No longer the holidays now though I'm afraid, it's back to college as of today and oh yeah, hello two annoying projects briefs. Yup, I'm going insane. I do like it there but the fact still remains that I'm not like, best mates with anyone there. I have my friends who I'll sit/talk/piss about with but I still find myself on my own, and in groups I'll still stay quiet. As we progress through the year they all become closer and I just find it daunting how left out I feel, as childish as that sounds.

Barcelona was cancelled as not enough students put down their deposit, we were only 8 people …


I guess I do have new years resolutions. But not ridiculous stuff like 'new year, new me, new start' etc etc and sprouting shit like that. I don't believe you can change who you really are, deep down, so, if you were a bitch in 2010, you'll probably still be the same bitch in the coming years too, maybe just learning to bite your tongue a bit more...

So yeah my resolutions are things like possibly another tattoo, get through year 1 of the course/start year 2, get my weight up and keep it there.... I might stretch to attempting to pass that bloody driving test. Oh and to go to Nandos. Why I've never been is anyone's guess but I really want to go and I've never got around to it. So that's an important one.

Compared to 2010, this year will be chocker. For starters, for last year I spent the majority of the first 9 months sitting on my arse doing nothing. Yeah I had a job to start with, but it was shit and wearing me out so I quit. And yeah I did go to coll…