*Mendy thoughts on the way*

What are you supposed to do, when one of your really good friends, one of the most amazing people you'll ever know, are stuck in hospital, miles away, desperately ill, and the only thing you can do is send good thoughts and love and mendy vibes, hoping that everything will work out?

It does my head in.

Keeping your chin up, that fake smile that projects to the world the illusion that you're okay, when in fact, you're in pieces inside.

I don't know what to fucking do.

To say I hate this sort of situation is an understatement.

I've got nothing else to say but I still feel the need to ramble horrendously. It's what I do.

Lauren isn't doing so fantastic right now. She's been fairly ill on and off for ages now and all you want to do is just fix it so she can have her life back. But recently, she took a bad turn. Her weight has dropped, she's now on oxygen 24/7, and they've doped her up to the eyeballs with morphine. Lately she hasn't gotten worse but she hasn't gotten any better either. They're hoping to move her home soon. I don't know much. I'm too far away. It drives you insane to be on the constant lookout for even the slightest bit of info. But there's nothing else you can do.

Last time I sent a card to her, she was in hospital still, and I wrote the lyrics to a toy story song on one side of the card. And I've just got that song stuck in my head all. the. damn. time. That song is basically the only one that sort of makes me cry so it's like I'm looking for an excuse for why I'm crying, having that song stuck in my head, playing repeatedly, seems to explain it. Cos I don't cry. I never do. I've always thought that if I fell apart every time a friend got ill, I'd never be able to pick myself back up.

Guess I broke my own rules.