Wednesday, 27 January 2010

What's the difference?

I keep wondering whether or not these IVs have worked. It's strange when you can't tell a difference, maybe b/c feeling better was so gradual, you don't notice it straight away, or maybe b/c I'm exactly like I was a few weeks ago. The thing with IVs, is that they make me feel crappy b/c of the whole walking into stuff and just generally feeling worse on the abx rather than off, and then when the side effects wear off, you feel better. But is 'better' any different than before IVs?

I didn't feel that bad before I started them. I was coughing, a lot, but that's basically normal for me. Granted, I did loose weight, but I'm pretty sure that it's coming back now. I really can't stay at 42kg. I'm actually terrified they'd force me back to my PEG. And I fought pretty damn hard to get rid of the damn thing.

More to the point, there's just no room in the house for more medical shit. It's not even a challenge to find CF stuff in any room of the house.

I'm still coughing, still having annoying chest pains (um, and my port still randomly hurts) and getting stupidly out of breath way faster than I used to, and I also found out that if I stand up completely straight, I feel like the top half of my lungs close up when I breathe in.

The bright side, is that I'm not coughing as bad, the chest pains don't last long, so I can deal with them. As for my port... I really don't know. But I know it works, so I still don't know what the eff is causing it.

College is being pretty good physio. Seeing as we have to go round Newcastle taking pictures for each new project, and Newcastle has plenty of walking, it all works out well. When I'm walking with other people, I walk a lot further. And I don't really pay attention to where I'm walking (Which is asking for injuries if we're honest) but it means within 10 minutes, I've gone twice as far than if I was on my own. Cuz, if I'm on my own, I notice when I get tired, and all I can concentrate on is the fact my breathing gets shallower. I do walk slower than others, but my friends don't mind, and just slow down to let me catch up.

Also, the fact that we decided to drive down to the Quay rather than walk, meant that I didn't have to walk for an extra 45 mins (both ways actually) in the minus degree weather. I'm not sure how far we did walk. We went along the River Tyne, across the bridge to the Baltic, and back to the car. It definitely felt further b/c of how cold it was (I did tell my tutor it was piss poor planning not to tell us to we'd be going out. B/c of that, most people didn't have their cameras and had to borrow a Nikon D40x from the store room. We also forgot our coats. Not a good thing.)

And besides, if we're not walking, people are paralysing me with laughter. I've already decided that laughing helps keep my LF good. So I'm gonna damn well continue being incredibly easily amused.

Work is... boring. Although, at 18, if I already had my perfect job, that'd probably be taking the piss. I mean, I'd not complain, but surely there'd be a catch to having a high profile photography job before I'm even 20.

All I do is pretty much fold sheets. And fold. And fold. It gets dull and repetitive funnily enough. Although in the room I'm in, there are two little heaters. Which are surrounded by things like [more] sheets, and boxes and the like. Which means I'm clearly on my way on becoming a little arsonist, as I always switch these heaters on (And um... leave them on when I leave. Whoops). I always wonder if something will catch fire. I'm not attempting to become a felon, per se, as these heaters keep me nice and toasty.

But unless everything is fire proof, something is gonna happen.

1 comment:

Mc Clarey said...

I know what you mean hun, sometimes I wonder whether I feel any better or not. It's really hard to tell sometimes so your not alone there.

Do they ever check your CRP's sometimes that can at least give an indication of whats going on.

Your doing so well to juggle college and a job, I know how hard that can be I did the same while I was at college, I ended up having to leave my job because it was just all a bit much.

You should put some of your photographs on your blog, i'd love to see what there like.

Take care and hope you pick up soon.

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