Tuesday, 10 August 2010

Bruise like a peach.

What the hell?! I don't usually bruise. And I quite like it that way b/c of my general clumsy ness. It means I'm free to trip/fall/walk into things as much as I please. I don't want to have to start looking where I'm going.

Oh, I've been thinking about a second tattoo. Well, thinking, is more, yes I'm definitely gonna get one. I know where I want it (on the back of my shoulder, vertical in Chinese) but I'm not sure what I want it to say exactly. I was thinking of a cool quote but nothing stupidly long. Whilst I love tattoos I'd never get a huge one over my entire back or shoulder or something. As I haven't exactly completely thought through what I want, it's on hold. Hopefully I'll get it this year, there's still a fair few months left, but I can't get it until I think of something, and I don't want to get it whilst I'm on IVs, which I start on the 20th.

The 23rd is my needs assessment for DSA so I should be feeling and looking spectacularly crap in time for that. I have heard that they get really personal about asking what you can/can't do and Gem told me not to be surprised if I leave feeling crappy b/c of having to admit how awful I feel sometimes and having to say the limits you have on what you can/can't do. I'm kinda hoping that I'll be in the room on my own with whoevers grilling me for answers, aka, not with any parental units, as I don't like talking about how crap I feel in front of them.

I went to Scotland for the day on Sunday to see some family who are on holiday up there (so I never saw them on my birthday). They go to Portpatrick every year. We used to go there for a couple of weeks in the summer but don't anymore. So I've never been there with my camera. After sitting on the beach for ages, and taking random photos, I left on my own and walked along to a rocky place where you can just sit and watch the sea. I actually climbed up a bit of a hill (note: never do that again. Heights and slipping is bad enough, but doing that completely out of breath was a bit too much) and walked across an arch thing, so I could get to the rocks on the opposite side, which were deserted. I loved that. It's been so long since I could just listen to the sea, which I can now, properly thanks to my new HAs.

I took a lot of photos, as usual, and then endured the long 3ish hour drive home. Long day, but I still stayed online till about 3am for some reason. It's not that I'm not tired, it's just that I don't really fall asleep for ages so I don't see the point in trying to sleep and then lying there for hours. I'm not a fan of that cos I tend to over think stuff.

Ok this has been bugging me. I've half been considering not going to college in sept b/c I'm all sick of having to do the whole 'yeah I cough like a bitch b/c of CF, and I ignore you cos I'm deaf, not cos I hate you' thing. It's inevitable that it happens. You don't have to say that if they react badly then it makes them a prick, and how its my choice what to decide to tell people. Cos I know all this. And in fact it doesn't necessarily make people complete douchebags just b/c they act a bit strange. Sometimes they just don't know how to react. I've done the college thing, so I know what the tutors are like, I'm on really good terms with some of the staff and I know my way around campus. And everyone who was on my course I've just finished was fine with it.

All the same, I just really hate having to explain it all, but at the same time, I want to b/c it stops people thinking I'm probably contagious or something. Here's hoping I don't just fuck it all up.


Ruth Jay said...

I find it horrible to talk about how I feel infront of the parents too, I just don't think they really need to be worrying!

Also, telling people, ew. I told a friend at work the other day because she ended up being involved in a convo in which we were discussing how I'd been the last wee while and what's changed etc, and she was all "REALLY?! oh my god! that's awful" - eh, shut up!

I'm sure you'll do fine :) x

Anonymous said...

Scotland trip sounds nice. Happy that you found some tranquil time there. Nothing like crashing waves and beautiful scenery to ease your mind.

Think you should reconsider about not returning to your photography course in Sept. It's your passion and something you're really good at. To hell with those rude jerks! I'm sure you'll do fine too. Hang in there and I'm wishing you the best.

Tori said...

Megs I'm going to be blunt! Don't be an idiot!! Go to college, you love photography and your very talented. Don't let how other people might treat you influence your future!!

I find if you honest and upfront with people about your CF and your deafness it leaves little space for them to think up thier own reasons for why you are. So hget it over with in the begining and it'll be beneficial to you in the long run!!

I'm bruising like a peach too at the moment but I blame the steroids, down to my usual 10mg on friday woohoo!!

Again don't be an arse and get back to college!! V xx

Laura's medical journey said...

know what you mean about the deaf thing when people think you are ingnoring you. u wish theyd at least have an open mind and come and talk to you if they feel you are bloody ignoring u!

Gemma said...

Whatever you do in life, you will have to explain to people about your CF and deafness, so dont let that stop you going to Uni. Use it as a place to practise! At least at uni you see the same people everyday, in a job you meet new people and have to explain it all the time!

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