Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Spaced out.

I mentioned in the last post that I felt kind of edgy. I didn't like feeling like that and annoyingly I felt like that the next night to, cue people asking me to check my blood sugars. Seriously, if I end up with CFRD I may literally throw a massive tantrum. Anyway, I can't check them as I don't have a blood sugar monitory thing. I've got enough medical crap in the house as it is anyway.

It scared me feeling like that, b/c its just not like me. And it can honestly take a lot to scare me, CF wise. The last time I was most likely shit-scared was probably the whole 'pleurisy nightmare '09'. Which is easily justified b/c I was on the verge of suffocating at one point. And before that it was when my lung function had taken a 15-20% drop (luckily, after that I managed to increase the 55% all the way back up to 80+% on more than one occasion).

I hated feeling lost like that though. And both times it happened I was on my own and the house was quiet, so it sort of intensified the feeling. That, and the fact that I can get jumpy in the house at night when it's dark and your own shadow freaks you out. Weirdly enough I don't think I'd feel the same spacey/being on edge feelings if I got out the house. I want to go on another camera mission and just go mental taking pictures as that can always make me feel better. I might go somewhere next week, but I'm quite apprehensive about taking my Nikon out somewhere. With the amount of injuries I do to myself, I just hope it doesn't stretch to my camera (my phone, on the other hand, is an invincible little fuck, who luckily refuses to self destruct whenever I drop it).

My IVs finish tonight, and when I was coughing earlier, I realised it was one of those pointless coughs which means the IVs have definitely worked this time. Which is great, as I was starting to loose my faith in IVs! There's only so many times you can put up with them when they're not doing the job. And now I'm soon to ditch the port needle and can re-start swimming. It's the only thing that is gonna get my lung function back up when I can't run anymore. I never did find out what that stitch thing was, and I'm convinced its some sort of temperamental hernia. I'm honestly falling apart at the seams.

As swimming means getting out the house, which is incredibly appealing when I don't leave for much other than work or college, I can't wait to get started. It's been a seriously long time since I last took a dive into a pool that didn't include catapulting off a water slide. Speaking of college, when I went last Saturday, we started a new project (one project takes about 3-4 weeks). I went round Newcastle with two others, armed with a Nikon D40, from college, as I'd not brought my own camera with me. Which is lucky b/c it began to piss rain the second the teacher said 'go for a walk around Newcastle...'. All we had to do was choose a certain area and take pictures no further than a 5 minute walk in and around that area. We chose central station and got some good pictures around there, through some tunnels and around the Life centre. I know for a fact that if I'd not gone with the two other people I was with, I would have seriously lacked the motivation, as its just not fun to walk through 50 gallons on rain on your own. But with other people with you, it turns into a laugh, and before you know it, you've walked beyond a mile and not even noticed.

By the time I'd gotten back to college (drenched, but happy) I clicked through the camera and saw I'd taken about 50 photos. We only need 24 max, which means I can ditch the pics I'm not too happy with, which is good. There's always one or two pictures that aren't that good, but if its like last time, when we used film, you can't delete any pictures, and once you've taken them, and taken the film out, you can't go back. Being in the darkroom was insane, pitch black, and I did very little considering how useless I am when I can't hear people (Ok, so I could hear them, but I couldn't understand them. My hearing is so fucking confusing).

Blah. I've got nothing else to write. But for that last post, I'd barely written anything and then wrote something like 'Oh well, no news is good news' which seemed to trigger the edgy feeling. So nothing worth writing about may have happened, but I'm damned if I'm writing that phrase again.


Gemma said...

I think IVs can cause all kind of weird emotions, plus you are adjusting to your course, new friends etc so I wouldn't worry about it too much. Show us some of your pictures for your course! :o)

Megan said...

I put a bunch of them on facebook :)

Katey said...

Glad the IV's have worked and you are feeling better....I know you are ready to get back to your normal "routine." I think swimming is awesome...and it's great exercise for us CFers!!!

I would always have times (and still do to some extent) when I felt the IV antibiotics didn't work and I wasted 2-3 weeks of my time doing them. But I guess in the long run it helps, even when we can't tell or see improvement.

Praying you have a great, and stress-free weekend!

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