Crap expectations.

After starting this blog, I admitted to myself that I don't really have too much to write about, unless you want to hear about how my day at 6th form went. Haha. But this week, I've got a few things that have pissed me off and deserve a rant.

First of all, on Wednesday, I managed to get food poisoning. That is the last time I ever buy food from an open salad bar type thing. So Thursday morning, feeling absolutely like crap, (skipping a few gory details, I'm not really one who talks about that much) my dad and mam say I should go to the hospital, in case this is some bad chest infection. So, off we go to the hospital and the doctor fishes out my test results from when I was last there (appointments every 6 weeks, the joy) and comes back in the room to say, yes I do have a chest infection, although the food poisoning is just food poisoning, nothing to do with the infection. But, she also says that I have MRSA. What?! I thought that was for old people confined to hospital who have the Grim Reaper twiddling his thumbs in the seat next to their beds (cuz he's such a patient bastard). I never thought I'd get it, although after finding more about it, you can get it if you take a lot of medication, constantly (raises hand) is often in hospital (and again) and have an illness which you are subseptical to infections (need I bother saying it). Not fun. The few of my mates who I told at first thought it was a very poor joke. Sorry guys, I'm really not joking.

I was happy to know healthy people can't get MRSA, and if they do, it just stays on the skin, harmless to them, although they should wash their hands if they see a sick person. Obviously.

So I'm now on two more tablets to my lovely cocktail I already take. And they're the size of fecking bricks. Really. I think they have a bet on at the pharmacy to see how big the bloody tablet will be before I do choke. Well, they've got to do something to while away the long hours.

I've also got this weird stomach muscle near my right hip, that, when I've got a new chest infection (translation, when I'm coughing like a loon, non-stop) it comes back again, and it feels like I've got a mammoth sized stitch that just won't go away. My mum thought it was a hernia at first. You should have seen my face then. Shitting a brick probably didn't quite cover it. But alas, no, its not a hernia that can be fixed with a nice quick surgery (although there's nothing quick about surgery for me, I get so oxygen deprived I usually get the joy of an extra few nights in the damn place) its a bloody stomach muscle that won't go away and will come back every time I have a naff chest infection that is a right cocky bastard and refuses to bugger off. Ow pretty much covers it if I have to walk more than 20 feet.

Try as I might, I just can't sound interesting. So I'll just aimlessly wander off. Besides, Mock the Week is starting, and I bloody love that show..

The real problem with reality is that there's no backround music.

How do you start this kind of thing? Do you need to introduce yourself? Just start slap bang in the middle, as if you've been doing this for years? Or do you start with a reason? Maybe I'll do that. With a bit of my history dashed in. There's no point in banging on about something that no one knows about. Although I do feel inclined to mention, that many a time, I start a conversation (or in this case, a blog post) on one topic, and end up talking about something completely unrelated. Well, that's just me.

So, back to my original point, and I do mean original in the sense that I was going to start this entire blog off on. I know how people always say you shouldn't take things for granted. Which has irritatingly enough become true to me. Because of my cystic fibrosis (look it up yourself, I'm lazy) I lost my hearing due to the fact I was constantly bombarded by an avalanche of different meds to keep it under control. The doctor never said anything about loosing my hearing, as it was such a rare side effect that they never thought it would happen to me while I was about 8. Hahaha. Wrong. So I'm majoritally deaf and I really hate it. I do try and keep it on the down low but I suppose basically everyone I meet figures it out because I have to ask about 5 times what their name is. And I still don't seem to understand what they say. See, I'm not just deaf, it’s as if something has gone missing in the circuit of hearing, and I have constant ringing in my ears and when people talk, I have to really strain to understand. It’s just not fair. Everyone takes their hearing for granted; I just don't see why I had to loose mine. Nine years on and I still haven't really got the hang of it. I really hate it.

But this is not the only little gem of crap that I've got from CF, I also found out how I'll need a lung transplant sometime in my life. There's no way to tell when. May be in my 20's, 30's or 40's, depends on how long I can stick it out for. This, practically learning my freakin mortality, scared me shitless, yet I can't talk to my mates about this because they just don't want to know. Yes, I know it’s kind of a strange thing for a 17 year old to talk about, yet I need to, because otherwise it just festers about and I get upset with the weight of what I have to carry around. I know I need to accept this, but I do need to get upset about it first. And despite what my friends tell me, I cannot just forget about it. I really can't. And I know they'd feel the exact same as me if they were in my position, yet they seem to have minimal empathy for me. I guess the reason I wanted to start this blog was to whine about things like that. Things that I need to talk about, but short of having a therapist, I can't talk about. If I'm entirely honest, I'm scared to look to the future. I'm just too scared to think ahead as there's no predicting my CF.

So, on that note, I'd like to apologize to myself for taking for granted two of the most important things in my life (although everyone takes them for granted, and I still can't see some Divine reason why it was me that got lumped with this shit) I know it can't be magically fixed no matter how much I wish it would.