How long has it been this time? 3 1/2 months isn't bad going in comparison to previous attempts! How odd how I used to update this weekly and now I either can't be bothered or don't really think this is the audience for my thrilling tales of failing to finish my 4th cup of tea of the day as I have the attention span of a gnat or how shit amazon tv and netflix uk is recently. At least for a good old series you could get stuck in.
I still haven't done much these days. I couldn't even stick with my attempt to re-watch my Scrubs boxset cos it wasn't even that long ago that I finished watching it. I have a shocking amount of boxsets of tv shows sitting in my amazon wish list that just keeps growing as even though more than half the shows have finished (some even before this decade!) they still cost a frigging fortune. (More annoyingly, half of them I want to watch are on Netflix USA but you can't use things to trick your browser anymore cos they can catch you and get you into a fuckload of trouble).
Anyway. It's mid July, which means, according to my countdown app on the screen of my phone (which certain people think is sad but you get entertained by very little when you're bored shitless) there's 89 days till we go on holiday. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before, if I have, you get to read about it again cos I'm exceedingly giddy. We're going to universal studios in Florida in September for 8 nights - we've saved up loads, applied to a couple of CF charities (one was a local CF charity that was closing after 10 years so we applied and they sent us a cheque, with a request of a photo in return of us on holiday, the other was the CF holiday fund, who also got some tickets to some parks through their contacts, which has helped the cost hugely). Parents have chipped in too and birthday and christmas money was earmarked for the holiday. It's costing a fortune and it'll probably be something we can only do once, unless we randomly had a huge sum of money fall in front of us. One of the more annoying things in being an adult is how centred around money life can get, and how stressful it is. Especially when one of you can't work.
In terms of jobs, I've stopped looking for now. I've spent years searching and applying for anything within the hours I can do, that doesn't involve relying on hearing and doesn't look too exhausting, but I've never even gotten past applying. So much for 'if you meet the minimum requirements they're required to give you an interview if you're disabled'. Instead, I do what I can to keep myself busy, I don't have a lot of friends and get cancelled on more than is strictly necessary, to be perfectly honest, other than my boyfriend I seem to spend most time with his family, as they're always around to pop in. Not the average life of a 24 year old. I go to the gym 3 times a week which I think helps my health loads, and that's important. One thing I was worried about if I did have a job was that something would probably suffer - the stuff I do around the house, maybe the job itself, or my health, and none of those things are worth letting slide if you can't do it properly. My health, for the obvious reasons, a job, because whats the point in applying for it if you can't do it, and the stuff I do around the house, cos if I let the place get into a mess it would probably have a massive negative affect on my general mental wellbeing. I find it hard to be comfortable and happy in a place that's messy and falling apart, so I like it tidy.
Actually in a couple of months I'll be 25 and that's an odd thought! I don't think I'll do anything for it - I didn't last year and my friends didn't actually notice which is nice... but I don't want to plan something for it to go out the window or look forward to it for everyone to cancel or just not turn up. It makes you feel like shit. I think that's one reason why I actually wanted a job - other than it would have been nice to be able to feel like I'm contributing to money for bills and such, it would have been nice to have someone to chat to or even make friends so you have someone you can meet up with outside of work too. Because I had an appalling time at college and I've never had a proper job, the only friends I have are from school, and everyone else is a friend of someone else.
On the positives, I'm glad I've moved out and I'm living with my boyfriend (2 years ago last Feb and I haven't burnt the house down!), makes me feel somewhat adult! I don't want to be one of those people who are 30, single, living with their parents and sitting on their arse claiming job seekers, or in the case of those with CF who can work and aren't restricted, sitting on their arse claiming they can't work cos they may get ill.
Actually that's something that's been pissing me off a treat - I work hard at the gym, and even if I feel like crap I do what I can. I had a gym class last night and for some reason kept having coughing fits at the slightest movement, rather than after having put work in to warrant it. But a coughing fit doesn't mean I give up and walk out. I'll catch my breath and join in again and do what I can. It irritates me no end when I see those with CF who claim they can't do exercise - yes you can! "But I cough loads and get out of breath" That's the bloody point! It counts as physio, and more importantly, you can get out of breath and it be nothing to do with CF, you're probably unfit as you just insist you can't do anything. The only way to know is if you stick at it and compare yourself later on, and see if you still get out of breath at the same time. If you do, then yeah you can say its cos of CF but at that point all those days/weeks of exercise have probably done your lungs a good benefit already. People who make excuses are starting to really rile me up. They'll throw lung function numbers around like its meant to stop you in your tracks, but the truth is, numbers don't matter. I know people with numbers at opposite ends of a spectrum and matched in terms of exercise tolerance, or the person with lower numbers doing better than the one with the lung function of a perfectly healthy person.
Right well that's my rant over. But honestly, get off your arse. Your sofa and the dent you're probably making in it will thank you at the very least.
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