Thursday, 30 December 2010

2010, It's been a long year.

I think everyone had massive expectations for 2010. I know for one everyone was expecting summer to be amazing, full of days just dossing, nights out, BBQs, beaches and way much more. It got to the middle of August before I'd realised I hadn't done shit. I definitely took a LOT of photos. Completed the Saturday course (which you might not think would be too difficult, but we started as a class of 30-odd and ended as a class of about 10). I met my fair share of amazing people and complete bastards. I probably got ID'd more than some people will in their lives. The best parts, in my opinion, are the little things like finally getting that tattoo I'd wanted for so long, managing to get on the FdA course, and then strapping on a pair and getting over myself when I was freaking out about how much was really going to be expected of us over the next two years. Oh and the learning to drive thing. Considering I was always putting it off b/c of my hearing I'm happy I finally bothered to start learning and really just wish I'd done it sooner. Okay, so I've been learning 6 months and can't even pass my theory but dammit I WILL get there. I mean, I haven't killed anyone whilst I'm in the drivers seat so that has to be a plus, right? And driving into a field narrowly missing beheading a few sheep doesn't count as a huge setback, right?

Good.

(In fairness this was back in July when I'd first started learning, and was probably a tad over enthusiastic with the accelerator.)

Plus the zipslide was awesomely cool. I'm doing it again next year. But instead from off a bridge, it's off a building. Did I mention I hate heights?

Not so amazing parts of the year have to be considered, like the fact that I've had plenty of IVs this year, enough to piss me off to the maximum for sure. And I'm not saying I didn't fuck up during the year either. I'm 19, put it that way. It's what we do, it's our job to fuck everything up and I'll happily keep that occupation for as long as I can (and then a little bit longer).

Ooh and, Port-take-3 (er, yeah, I need a better name for it) is 3 years old on 24th January. (I got it in 2008). I'm quite pleased with this. Considering my first one lasted about 3 months, and my second lasted 5 years, I'm hoping that this one lasts even longer, cos I just hate the idea of needing another one. I know it's a simple op, but I'd definitely go for general rather than local, no matter what anyone said, cos I'm set in my ways. But it's the being put to sleep bit which I hate as it paralyses you and I fight against it. I'm claustrophobic so it's a horrible feeling not being able to move. Obviously the out come is good, freedom from bitchy long lines/cannulas and PICC lines, which I hated so much. The one and only problem I have is that it's on my right side, therefore gets a bit annoying when I'm driving, especially on the tube sitting in my neck and if my port is accessed - I always sit on the left side if I'm a passenger. At clinic, they always mention the patient who had a port for about 18 years or so. Frankly I'm just happy this one is still going.

K so... photo time, cos we all know I'm surgically attached to my camera. These are my favourites I've taken through the year.. (There's a fair few. And this was me narrowing it down)
















So yeah, it's been a long year, not necessarily an amazing year, but 2011 better kick arse.

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Driving fails and christmas-ness.

No blogging for two weeks again. I guess it's a combo of not having much to say, and not really having the time to write anything... despite the fact that I've essentially been on xmas holls since about the 8th Dec, as that was my last lesson except from the deadline on the 10th that I had. That just consisted of trekking up to college, handing in work then going alllllll the way home again, which was a bit annoying. I've actually done the majority of my college work set over the holidays out of pure boredom (and also b/c if I don't do it now, I never will. Deadlines always look a lot further away this side of xmas and new years, and the deadline for this ungodly amount of work is only the 7th Jan)

But yeah, nothings happened. I've seen friends a couple of times and had a good couple of days, but what really destroyed my mood was failing my theory test for the second time.

WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?!

Really... The first time I failed the entire thing by one question (I got 42 out of 50, when the pass mark is 43) and passed the hazard perception fine. The second time I got 41 out of 50, and again, passed the hazard perception part without a problem. Someone hates me. Now I'm out of £60, loosing the will to even bother b/c I do actually try, I know what different road signs mean, stupid bullshit like tyre tread depths and all sorts of crap like that, and I still get asked the most retarded questions I've never come across before, and they're just there to confuse you. I want to pass my test so badly and I can't even seem to do this stupid bit. I know I'm hardly gonna be taking my full drivers test next week or something, but god, my confidence just shreds itself up when I can't get those stupid questions right. The even sadder thing is that the bloke at the test centre remembered me b/c he had to give me script for the hazard perception bit the first time as I can't use the headphones. That's pretty ridiculous.

More to the point, if I ever manage to pass my test this side of the century, I don't have a car and hardly have the cash for insurance, bucket loads of fuel, tax, etc etc. And I don't get motability so I don't get the joy of a car with that. The thing that fucks me off is that there's people (actually, CFers) who are healthier than me, can walk further than me without feeling like death and they have a motability car. And they can't even drive... I hate things sometimes. If you want to say sorry for having shit lungs and not being able to walk up the hill to your own house, yes, a car would do nicely thank you.

Obviously I'm pissed off about this. I don't even care any more. I just wanted to be able to pass my test so I can eventually get a car and stop taking those stupid taxi's to college, seeing as they fuck up and make me wait ages, or the account gets wiped clean and no taxi turns up, thus me being late and getting flack for it. The worst one was when college was closed early due to the snow, I texted the woman who changes the taxi and she said there would be one ready to take me home for 2pm. I waited. And waited. And waited. In the freezing cold entrance, and had an argument with the security guy who wanted to lock all the doors and I refused to leave and stand out in the artic conditions (not that the entrance was any warmer but it helped a minuscule amount.) Anyway, the taxi didn't turn up till 2.50pm. I was so fucking pissed off at that point. Those taxis are beyond shit sometimes.

I finished my IVs on the 16th so I was able to go out with my friends on Monday night. It was freezing but I'm pretty sure the drink warmed us up. Either that or you're just enjoying yourself too much to care that it was about -9*.

For the record, yes I did have my theory test the next morning but it wasn't till the afternoon and I don't get hangovers. I just felt really knackered by Tuesday night. My theory was that if I didn't pass when I was perfectly fine, then I can't do much worse after a night out. And to be honest I didn't do much different so... you win some, you loose some. And you apparently get some really fucked up retarded questions when you loose.

But ah... I'll shut up about my driving fails now. As nothing else has happened I think I'll wrap up this crazy ramble now (ooh that reminds me, I still need to wrap up presents..)

Tuesday, 7 December 2010

Rambly goodness.

I feel like blogging but I don't think I've got much to say... so we'll see.



I started IVs on Friday, talent on actually getting to the hospital earlier than my appt as we thought the roads would be a mess due to the snow but they weren't too bad. When my colistin was going through, it was almost finished so I lowered the trip a bit to eye level so I could watch the final few drips (yes, I get that bored). I started talking to my dad, and two minutes later I realised the line was backed up with blood.

WHAT THE FUCK!

Apparently it's normal, due to the pressure or something cos of when I lowered the drip. Whoops. But it's never happened to me before so it unnerved me the hell out. Not before I took a photo though... (naturally).




Oh and cos they're wise, they gave me another one of those scales to fill out. Which I ripped up to make a snowflake; I thought this was a vast improvement. When my nurse came back in and saw I'd done this, she stuck it onto the wall :D I think she's my favourite. Seeing as it was a quiet day she hung around for a chat, and I love talking to the nurses there as I get on really well with a lot of them.



I've got a week (or, a day out of the week) left at college till we start our crimboly holls, obviously not before they drive us insane with 3 whacking great big deadlines. A few of us have been saying how I should start selling my notes from my note taker to the rest of the students in the class. I might be forced to consider it, a student loan only goes so far. Then there's the joy of repaying it...

Oh and the dr has finally agreed to let me try something new for IVs next time seeing as I've had *plenty* this year and lets face it; they've done very little except from pickle my liver. So next IVs will be Colistin and Tazocin. Never had taz in my life so this should be interesting. Except now, I'm a tad worried, as my hosp don't seem to keep you in (or at least they never keep me in) for trialing a new IV - they do the first dose in clinic and presume you'll be fine after that, which is bullshit, as anyone worth their salt knows that if you're gonna develop a reaction, it won't be until you've been exposed to something at least twice. So yeah... if I decide to have a complete spaz on my 2nd dose, I'll be screwed, seeing as they never give me an epi pen or anything like that on home IVs.

I dunno. I'll have to double check more nearer the time. I'd rather be alive when I go to Barcelona. I've already paid my deposit, so I'm bloody going somehow (and I was slightly down heartened to learn that my port won't be setting off the metal detectors. Cos you have to admit, a bunch of college students going on a trip, the beepy thing goes off, the faint-hearted amongst us will probably crap themselves.)

My eflow decided it didn't like life and died on me the other night. I think someone stood on a bit of the lead that connects to the eflow as it looked fairly bent (as i picked it up off the floor. Cos I leave stuff in the perfect places). We took it to hosp and finally got it serviced for the first time since I got it when I was 11 or something. They gave me it back with a new serviced sticker and a new chamber and shizzle like that. I forgot what it was like to have a lid for the chamber that actually works...

Ah and I have a new project for myself starting in the new year. I'm thinking of doing a 365 photos project. Just random stuff, there'll be no rhyme or reason to the photos I take, and a lot will probably be shit quality when I take them on my phone, but I think it's a cool idea, and would look really good when it's done.

Bagsy not paying for printing out the lot when 2011 is over...

World mental heath day

So today was World mental health day. It seems a shame that so many people only feel able to speak out about mental health on one day of the...