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Showing posts from February, 2011

Saying goodbye.

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I hate the finality of that title, but that's what I did. In truth, I prefer the saying 'It's not goodbye, but simply 'I'll see you soon'', cause no one really knows what actually happens. They're partying like rockstars up there, and you just live your life, in wait for your VIP ticket.

I lit a candle on Thursday for Lauren, as it was her funeral, and obviously I couldn't go. Turns out the candle was scented AND changed colours. Damn cool. I got upset after I'd blown out the candle as it just felt so final, and almost a bit more real. This will take time, and I understand that. I read this Winnie the Pooh quote last night that definitely sums everything up perfectly:


"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."


I have so much love for everyone who has been there for me and helped me through this. All the messages, chats, texts and hugs mean so much. And a lot more love for Gem who knew and loved Lauren just as…

Some pictures and life over the last week.

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I feel like I've scared everyone off?! Y'know I just don't feel like many people read my scribbles any more. I mean, this is hardly commonly read blog or anything and it was always started just for myself, to write about stuff. My memory is so bad, so it's handy having this, I can check back and remember 'oh, that happened' rather than having the memory disappear forever in the empty chasm that is my mind!

But yeah. Like I said, this is my blog, so whether or not people read, I'll continue to write. I'll admit this has been the hardest week in a long time. Health stuff (I'll update on how clinic went later) and college stuff aside (even though right now, it's not too bad, dare I say, I'm enjoying it?!) Loosing Lauren is difficult to an extent that I could never have imagined. I've lost friends before, to CF and the like, but no one I was this close to. And it hurts. Lauren herself said she wasn't scared of dying, more, the weeks/days…

Breathe easy beautiful girly.

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This is the hardest thing I've ever had to write. I even considered not writing at all, in the hope that it's not real. That it's just some bad dream I'll wake up from.

But I've tried to wake up and I just can't.

Lauren was just 19, and passed away from Cystic Fibrosis yesterday.
I will always consider you one of my best CF friends. Cos even though we never met, I love you just as much as I do with those who I see every day. We talked mostly through email. Cos you emailed me more than a year and a half ago saying you'd read my blog for a while and finally decided to email me as you said I seemed like someone you'd be friends with back home, and it'd be cool to talk to another person with CF, even though we never just talked about CF stuff. So we talked a lot, emails and cards back and forth. We helped each other through problems and bitched about stuff, made each other laugh.

One of the last cards I sent a couple of months ago, whilst you were still …

Simple things.

Okay, getting tired of whining. Seriously. So... I'm making a post about everything that's made me smile recently.

Our aherm... rather lovely model for one of the projects. Texting Gem kept me nicely occupied. And the fact that the photos turned out really well, is a massive bonus. The equally lovely boxer I was paying more attention to rather than helping a friend on a shoot. In fairness, there wasn't much for me to do. Except admire his muscles. So I wasn't complaining (Till he left, but you can't have it all...) The cards I get off Gem in the post. I don't really need to elaborate on that, b/c they're just all around awesome. And random texts that make each other laugh out loud in public and get weird looks...Nights out I've had with friends in the past couple of months. I'm way too exhausted recently to go out but I've had some pretty good times that I'm not forgetting in a hurry.When people prove they care. You know how easy it is to ju…